Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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