one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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