a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
