i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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