I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
