three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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