Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He has the fingertips of a God
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
