That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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