Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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