I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
