dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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