Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dear god my vagina.
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