one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
