i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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