He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
