Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
