I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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