So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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