I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drake has all the answers
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
