I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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