Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
