Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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