This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
