Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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