How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
