Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
