What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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