we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
