He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
