Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
