smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
