this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
