So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
