Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
