how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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