I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
