Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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