hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
