I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
