She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?