I'm an idiot
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man