i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.