I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked