Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"