You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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