I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
