I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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