I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
