my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love having hate sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
