every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
