dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
