I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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