she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my being single is dangerous.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
