She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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