No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
