69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
