I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
