I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
