Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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