I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
