I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
