i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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