really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize