i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
