I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
