apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
