1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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