You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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