Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize