well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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