FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
