Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
