honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pappa wants mamma naked
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
