i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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