yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
