it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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