Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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